In August of 2020, my daughter Margaret announced the new name and non-binary identity as Alex (no pronouns), and while I fully support this, I am learning who the new person is, learning to love who Alex is becoming, and considering my own evolution as a mother. My project, “Becoming Alex” unfolded over a year during which Alex and I came to understand what our transitions looked like and meant. As a young adult with autism spectrum disorder and countless physical ailments, Alex struggles to exist in a world that seems to run counter to how my child understands it. Along with the gender transition, Alex came into an awareness as an asexual (ace) adult, and this portfolio reflects the search for all these identities. Even after a year of growth, Alex and I are still learning to navigate our relationship, define our roles, and how to claim our place in contemporary society.

Unlike other work about this subject, my portfolio not only investigates Alex’s identity, but also how a mother transitions with her transgender child. I have mentored and supported similar young adults, but this time, I am the mother. Instead of talking about boyfriends and how to keep from getting pregnant, I talk with Alex about things like sexuality for ace people and how they can conceive children, to breast reduction and its implication for potential partners. Alex’s journey represents a new freedom for Gen Z as they explore their gender and sexuality in ways that were not acceptable in the past. As they come of age, they will change our language, culture, and family structures.

This work examines our relationship through changing circumstances, supported by the unconditional love we hold for one another. As for my voice, both pain and joy come through as I mourn the loss of who I thought Alex would be and fall in love with the person that Alex is becoming.